Prayer. We grew up with. In bad times and in good. Whether it was in appreciation or desperation, a ‘Padre Nuestro’ and an ‘Ave Maria’ always delivered a certain peace of mind. Like saying “I’m not sure what’s really going to happen, but no matter what, you’re going to be okay.”
Even now it’s hard to believe so blindly.
Even moreso that I can believe so blindly…but I do.
Impossible to deny. Faith can move mountains! Maybe not literally, but the amount of weight it can lift off one’s shoulders, if only for a moment, is pretty incredible. My heart has learned to pray in the true sense of the word. Asking a higher power for strength in times of weakness, for courage in times of fear, for guidance in times of uncertainty, for solace in times of turmoil, and for comfort in times of sadness.
No longer with the jaded undertone of youthful disbelief and stupidity. Now fortified by the so many years of nothing but faith alone seeing us through.
And while I won’t say I know every single word to my ‘Padre Nuestros’ and ‘Ave Marias,’ the few I do know make me feel a part of something much bigger than myself.
I recently tried to blog about this but the post sits in my drafts because it ended cynically and I don’t like to spread negativity if possible. Faith has never been easy for me but unlike you, as I’ve gotten older I’ve found it more difficult.
Not having that belief that “everything happens for a reason” and is part of a bigger plan – that there is someone in charge up there that knows what is going on even when it looks like chaos from down here – having the unsettling feeling that we’re on our own, doesn’t feel good.
Faith is not something that can be bought or forced. If it could be, I’d spend good money to stock up on it just for the comfort it can provide.
The natural optimist in me won’t go down that easily though. There’s a tiny spark of hope that I’m wrong. My heart and mind are in constant battle over this… I’ve had to accept this, and accept that my definition of faith isn’t the solid kind some are lucky enough to stand on. My faith is something fleeting that I must constantly chase.
Your honesty is truly admirable in this message thread. I’ve struggled myself with faith and the belief in anything higher than myself, or the hardships of facing adversity in order to understand certain life lessons, and while you are right that faith can’t be purchased or forced on anyone, I feel life itself has fortified my belief in faith. To sit down and recount all the instances where I had nothing more to turn to than my blind faith would be too painful…but it is comforting to see that sometimes even those around me with the smallest amount of faith will kneel down and pray with me in their most difficult times of desperation. Not sure why that is exactly, but it does give them peace.
Por mi parte, recomiendo que termines ese post because after all faith is what we make of it and can mean different things to different things. There is no cookie cutter definition for faith…at least not to me…and that really is the beauty of it.
Good post, Juan! I especially like “Even now it’s hard to believe so blindly.”
My faith realigns itself periodically, or perhaps I realign with it.
A few years ago I caught myself in a belief of faith and somehow and very comfortably said to myself “I’ve never not believed.” Somehow, that was very reassuring to me, though I would have been hard pressed to pin point exactly what that faith/belief was.
It just was.
I’ve often heard that faith is one of the most difficult things to keep alive, and also one of the hardest things to lose once it is solidly ingrained in our personal being. While I don’t know what the future might hold, I pray to my God that faith is one thing that never abandons me.
Thanks for sharing, Joe.
“No longer with the jaded undertone of youthful disbelief and stupidity.”
This rings so true for myself. I doubted a higher power for so long & as solid as my faith is now, I can’t believe I ever questioned it. There are so many times that I look up to the sky after something that only God could make possible and shake my head with delight thinking, “You know, you know God. You have my back EVERY time.” You’ve inspired me to write about this same feeling that faith gives me, hope. Great post.
Hey Alejandra, great to hear your personal journey with faith. It’s always a difficult truth to admit to oneself the doubts we might have about the things we have been told we should not doubt. But I think being honest with ourselves is the truly the easiest path to self acceptance and happiness.