Y ahora sí, como dice la canción: “y no me aguito… ¡nomás me acuerdo!”
In truth, there have only been a few times that I’ve seen my father cry. A couple of times of joy, another handful of pura tristeza. He’s always been a man of strength and bravery to me… the one with arms of steel and shoulders capable of taking on the world. When I think of him, instinctively my heart goes soft and something inside of me just makes it unavoidable to want to cry, at least a little bit for all the little things I think I know now that I didn’t know back then.
Ahora que yo soy el hombre de la casa it’s easier to recognize the hows and whys. The things I hated in him once I now see and appreciate in myself.
The same things Edgar will probably grow up hating in me too.
La cosa es, that until I was teenager, I really did believe the myth that real men don’t cry. That it was a sign of weakness, a symbol of having been defeated, to let even one single tear run down my face. Even worse, to do so in the presence of others, because it made me look pathetic and stupid to them and to myself. As far as I can remember though, nobody ever told me that “real men don’t cry.” I guess I just assumed so because nunca in my childhood did I presence my father cry. Maybe he did and I just didn’t pay attention… estaba demasiado ingenuo para entender. No sé.
The truth is we do, and sometimes it’s even good for us. Personally, les puedo decir that up to now there have only been a few times when I’ve literally balled my eyes out, sobbing uncontrollably as an adult for things I literally had no control over. Those memories are still too painful and fresh to talk about, but the happy tears I’ve shed… those, have left a lasting imprint on my soul.
I want to make father cry again. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, because in the end he was the one that taught me this very important life lesson: que los hombres también lloran.
I hope I can do the same for Edgar.
Los dejo con la canción que fue la inspiración de este post. Se llama “El Hombre Que Más Te Amo” y la canta Chente. El otro día la escuche por primera vez en mi camioneta y al escuchar la letra se me salieron una cuantas lagrimillas porque me hizo pensar en mi padre. Espero les guste también.