Y ahora sí, como dice la canción: “y no me aguito… ¡nomás me acuerdo!”
In truth, there have only been a few times that I’ve seen my father cry. A couple of times of joy, another handful of pura tristeza. He’s always been a man of strength and bravery to me… the one with arms of steel and shoulders capable of taking on the world. When I think of him, instinctively my heart goes soft and something inside of me just makes it unavoidable to want to cry, at least a little bit for all the little things I think I know now that I didn’t know back then.
Ahora que yo soy el hombre de la casa it’s easier to recognize the hows and whys. The things I hated in him once I now see and appreciate in myself.
The same things Edgar will probably grow up hating in me too.
La cosa es, that until I was teenager, I really did believe the myth that real men don’t cry. That it was a sign of weakness, a symbol of having been defeated, to let even one single tear run down my face. Even worse, to do so in the presence of others, because it made me look pathetic and stupid to them and to myself. As far as I can remember though, nobody ever told me that “real men don’t cry.” I guess I just assumed so because nunca in my childhood did I presence my father cry. Maybe he did and I just didn’t pay attention… estaba demasiado ingenuo para entender. No sé.
The truth is we do, and sometimes it’s even good for us. Personally, les puedo decir that up to now there have only been a few times when I’ve literally balled my eyes out, sobbing uncontrollably as an adult for things I literally had no control over. Those memories are still too painful and fresh to talk about, but the happy tears I’ve shed… those, have left a lasting imprint on my soul.
I want to make father cry again. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, because in the end he was the one that taught me this very important life lesson: que los hombres también lloran.
I hope I can do the same for Edgar.
Los dejo con la canción que fue la inspiración de este post. Se llama “El Hombre Que Más Te Amo” y la canta Chente. El otro día la escuche por primera vez en mi camioneta y al escuchar la letra se me salieron una cuantas lagrimillas porque me hizo pensar en mi padre. Espero les guste también.
I’m glad you posted this, Juan. Too many men, (Latino and otherwise, so it’s certainly more prevalent with Latin men), think it isn’t macho or appropriate for men to cry. Carlos is very much like you in this respect and it has pained me to see him hold it in when I know how cleansing and necessary a good cry can be. Over the years he has shed some of that shame the culture/friends/his mother/brother/father put on him and he has cried.
He won’t ever cry as often as I do or for the same reasons. Reason I might cry: a diaper commercial with a cute baby causes me to remember our boys when they were little and how fast they’ve grown up = TEARS al montón, LOL.
Reason Carlos might cry: Losing his job and feeling worthless because he can’t provide for his family.
I’m just glad he can finally let it out once in awhile, but he only does it with me. I hope one day he’ll feel freed enough to cry in front of our boys so they won’t have this same issue.
As for the video you posted – reminded me of this one:
I can’t even watch this video or I’ll start crying and I have things to do today. LOL. Back to work.
Okay… this is completely your fault, Tracy! Ya me gustan todas las canciones de Espinosa Paz. I had watched that video too on YouTube and thought it was really touching for both of them and for us as the audience. A tear might have even slipped my eyes… lol!
Love how you compared your crying compared to Carlos’… can totally relate to that because that sounds like a good reason for me to cry too (Carlos’ reason), every once in a while though tambien me siento yo como que todo me hace ganas de llorar, aunque me detango casi siempre… that’s usually only when I’m pretty sad about something else though.
I haven’t let Edgar see me cry and when he does it will probably be the same way it happened for me, just a complete surprise, something I really wasn’t even expecting at all… Thank you for the comment Tracy, y no te pongas a llorar. To work. To work!
Qué entrada tan linda. As women, sometimes we too believe that men don’t or should not cry. I remember hearing “men don’t cry” as much as “take it like a man” from both men and women.
Before my son was born I had only seen my father cry 3 times in my life: when his father and brother died and when he told us his company had gone broke. But when he held my son in his arms and he grabbed his finger with his tiny hands, he welled up. And so did I.I realized that I had to teach my son that’s it’s ok to cry, for whatever reason.
I hope many men and women read your post so that we can all embrace two things: men can and should cry, and women should celebrate it when they do.
Angela, loved your comment… and your hope to teach your son that it’s okay to cry! It really is, and there isn’t anything wrong with the idea or act of a man shedding a few tears. My father cried last, that I saw, when we were at my grandfather’s funeral, and as is the case whenever I see him cry, I can’t help but well up myself. Gracias 🙂
ay Dios Santo! Toda la mañana me la he pasado “moqueando” (hoy se graduó mi baby del 5to grado)y al leer este post y el link de @Latinaish, me he puesto a llorar nuevamente!
Pero volviendo al post…. los hombres tienen sentimientos y no le veo NADA de malo en que ellos también puedan derramar sus lágrimas, ya sea por dolor o por alegría. Me cae muy mal eso de que “Los Hombres no Llora”. Acaso tienen el corazón de piedra?
Saquen los kleenex y echen una gran chillada si eso es lo que el alma/corazón les dice! Lindo post Juan!
Claudia, gracias por el comentario amiga… y pedona q te hayamos hecho llorar de nuevo! Pero tienes toda la razon uno no debe sentir nada de pena por tener emociones. A final de cuenta todos somos humanos y tenemos derecho a sentir lo que nos nace en el corazon y el alma. Que bueno q nos entendamos 🙂
Que lindo post Compadrito! A mi me ha encantado ver la transformación de mi Papá. De ser “duro” y “fuerte” se ha ido ablandando con los años, and also due to the fact that he is surrounded by women! The poor guy didn´t stand a chance ;D
Now that I´m pregnant, he cries every time he sees me! Es el más tierno del universo entero y me encanta ver sus ojitos llenos de agüita ante la menor provocación. Y eso no le quita ni un granito del gran father figure que es.
Aaaand I am lucky enough to have a husband that´s sensiblemente macho!
Todos a chillar cuando vale la pena!
Un abrazo.. tan pero tan apretado… que te saque unas cuantas lagrimitas. 🙂
Sue, why do your comments always make me go through such a realm of emotions? Me puedes hacer llorar, reir, y hasta bailar en el mismo email… I am so fortunate to have met you!
Eso de “sensiblemente macho” me encanto. Y si es cierto q uno ve a los padres madurar y crecer… cambiar de duros a tiernos, y es algo de lo mas bello de la vida. La primera ves q mi esposa describio a mi esposo como “tierno” me quede pensando por que para mi de ninio siempre habia sido el padre duro q nos habia tratado fuertemente para ensenniarnos como ser hombres de verdad. Tu mensaje me ha dado mucho gusto 🙂
OK hermano…me siento mejor… According to your definition, ambos somos hombres verdaderos… Totally agree with your assessment and, like you live to make my hero, aka: my papi, cry years of joy un día de esos pronto sí puede ser… un abrazote… 🙂
Gracias, hermano! Yo se que si lo lograras porque eres uno de los mas cabrones que yo conosco!
This was such a beautiful post… it reminds me of the times I seen the men in my life cry. My grandfather, i posted about it once, when my great grandmother passed my grandmas mom, and thenI think of my suegro. I still cry thinking about it. When he came to get my boyfriend who lost beyond words in his drug addiction, he cried and apologized to me and said god would push through. this is so beautiful, I think your son will grow to be as wise as you!
Nikkeya, awww… se me hizo un ñudo en la garganta con tu comentario! Que linda, gracias por compartir esas experiencias tan tullas y de los tullos conmigo 🙂 Definitivamente a La_Cabronisa le salio lo dulce hoy! Que bueno. Me gusta, amiga!