All Is Fair In Love And War
And why not? It is the single-most important human emotion we all possess. The one worth fighting for, against all odds; the one we would seemingly travel the world over to protect; the one that makes us feel safe and happy in the arms of our beloved; and even sometimes in the arms of a not-so-much-beloved. But how do you know the difference between what love is actually real, and the one that, as they say, nomás es pasajero?
More importantly, how do you deal with the reality that after the honeymoon phase is over, whether literally or not, the real work actually begins?
At my sister’s wedding, last October, the priest said something that really made me laugh – not in any perverse way, more because what came out of his mouth was literally what I had always thought, and hearing him say it made me feel very, very validated. Like hmm, see I knew I was right all this time! I’ll paraphrase what he said because I don’t remember exactly the words he used to make me feel SO right. Basically, that while the beautiful couple was very much in love at the moment, in their enviable young age and physique, that the days eventually would come when they would not be able to bare the sight of one another…be it from anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, or just plain boredom (depressing, I know, but it’s not all bad), and that it would be in those precise moments that their love would actually face the true testing of their vows.
¡Cuando lo veas gordo, feo y apesto! Ahí es cuando tienes que demostrarle tu amor.
It made me laugh because I think, just maybe, that is the true test of how real a love actually is. That when the muscle turns into flab, the abs into a gut, the hiney into a mass of cellulite, the full head of hair into a rapidly receding hairline…or maybe not, but in some way the physical attributes begin to shift. And, mucho más importantemente, that when life begins throwing its curve balls, as it most definitely will, that person is there to stand beside you – even if they don’t know exactly what to do or say – holding your hand, pulling you through, caring enough to not just walk away…and knowing that you would do the same for them. That when you’re facing tragedy, despair, adversity, the end of the road, or even the much dreaded drama of the teenage years, you learn to work as a team and fork ahead…just bow your head down and fork ahead, where no one player is ever more important than the rest.
Definitely not to say that one’s self-respect and dignity should ever be cast aside, sacrificed for the survival of any relationship. They shouldn’t be! But the fact is, love and marriage are a constant battle. First to find the honest and sincere kind – sin interés – then to hold on to it, nourish it, and nurse it back from the wounds of life.
Then again, I may be completely off.
These are just the thoughts of this gordo, feo y apestoso.