You Can’t Cover The Sun With One Finger
Out of all the dichos I’ve ever heard, el sol no se tapa con un dedo, has always been the easiest for me to understand. Not that I haven’t tried my damndest to cover up that metaphorical sun on so, so many different occasions. But somewhere deep down inside of me, like the unyielding passage of time, that tiny voice in my head has always taunted me in the faintest of tones: el sol no se tapa con un dedo…you can’t cover the sun with one finger.
I’ve wanted to tell it to shut up countless times, and a few of them I’ve done so successfully, but eventually it starts up again. El sol no se tapa con un dedo. El sol no se tapa con un dedo. El sol no se tapa con un dedo. Then I have to face reality, evaluate my situation seriously, and endure the harshest of human conditions: being truly honest with oneself. It is at this stage that raw emotion peeks its ugly head, be it in the form of anger, sadness, depression or just plain frustration. I know the process well for I’ve undergone it many a times. Still idling as a bystander on someone else’s grief is much more a difficult feat for me personally to withstand.
With my reality I can manipulate and coerce my state of mind. With another I can only offer guidance and support hoping that it will lead to the right action. When it does the sensation of a lifted burden is alleviating. When it doesn’t the looming pain of hopelessness sets in, bringing with it an infuriated storm of agonizing worries. All the while that taunting voice continues: el sol no se tapa con un dedo, el sol no se tapa con un dedo, el sol no se tapa con un dedo.
And in fact you can’t. Yes, placed at a correct angle the single finger can cover up the sun, anyone of them from the pinky to the thumb, but one nervous breathe or shiver and the burning presence of that ball of fire will once again be seen. Our reality is the same. No matter how hard we work to convince ourselves that something is right when we know it’s wrong we can never fully swallow our own lies.
As for others, I’m beginning to assimilate into the philosophy that so many out there have medicated for my males de amores over the years: In every relationship and interaction we engage in we are either planting, watering, fertilizing or harvesting. We rarely get to enjoy the fruits of our labors, but that is not the point. Our main objective is to understand and appreciate the process.
Tita, for Bertita~ Cousins called tatita, tata, tena- My hermano, wecho (for Luisito)- love the nicknames-
My brother’s boy turned one yesterday and my parents were in attendance, naturally. My brother & I live in Houston while my parents live in San Antonio. After the party it was just the few family members there to clean up after a quite large celebration of 70 plus ppl attending a child who is turning one years old. We all left in good spirits (so I thought). My Dad even saying we’ll get together before we head back the next day.
I went home fell asleep and hasn’t heard from them so I called my dad because he usually always answers, this time he did not. I later get a text saying that they already hit the road because rain was in the forecast. I thoroughly thought this reply through and decided it was a unusual text and nothing about meeting up or sorry that they couldn’t. Come to find out that they stop by my brothers to say goodbye before they hit the road. Now I’m not the one to get jealous over something like this was something was amiss.
An hour or so later I receive a text from my mom saying “ Yea, Armando there is a saying that says “ You can’t cover the Sun with one finger.” I’ve never heard that saying before so I was quick to look it up in the mini was powerful to me. And I thought about it but it wasn’t long before I knew what she was referring to. In the past I’ve had some addiction issues and I guess yesterday I wasn’t in my tiptop normal sober form, if you will.
The night before I I was riding my bike at night when my headlight went off and I hit a hole in the road which sent me head over heels, and me being a dumb ass and not wearing a helmet I hit my head and chipped my tooth, my front two teeth. The helmet wouldn’t have had any effect of protecting my precious two front teeth now tainted (as my mom’s face would tell me at the party when she asked) with a chip on the bottom of them, not a big one but still noticeable (mind you she was the only one to notice them that day).
I can’t do you anything about my family suspecting of me being high when I am not but I can make better decisions when I’m alone and bored and sober and decided to do a night bike ride without a helmet and no headlight (this just being an example). I still fiend that yearning for adventure or danger and the decisions I make while feeling complacent and the consequences that come along with it, I minus well gone and got high. I got to grow up change my emotional thinking & decisions because a just concussion could’ve turned out to be something more serious.
As far as convincing my folks of the truth is pointless because they’ve heard it all. I hate that I’m an addict and I hate sobriety— so what’s my solution? When you’re sober ppl expect you to be twice the better person you were before started using or drinking and that’s a difficult feat to conquer on a daily basis. That’s the most honest thing I can say from all of this.