Sharing more than I should, maybe

There are certain moments in life when one has to learn to shut up. For the last several months I’ve been doing a lot of silent thinking and holding the pause button on my public expressions of emotions for one very complicated and difficult reason.

My father is battling cancer and I don’t know what to do about it.

Nothing that I can say can take away his pain. Nothing that I can do can miraculously take away this disease from his body. And because of that I find myself struggling constantly, on a day-to-day basis. There are days where I just don’t want to get out of bed. There are days when I feel like a child, confused and unable to find my bearings in everyday life. Days when I’m just angry and bitter.

I share this not to make my father’s situation about me, mostly to just be honest with myself. My therapy has always been writing, but here lately I haven’t had the words to say much of anything.

My father’s ongoing battle with cancer has forced me to put life into perspective. It doesn’t matter how much I make from my business and passion; it doesn’t matter how many brands I’ve collaborated with or not; it doesn’t matter how small or large my community is at any given moment. All that matters is that life is about choices. No matter how much time we might think we might have, it’s never enough.

Cristela Alonzo the comedian put it best in her latest standup routine for Netflix. She basically said “no matter how grown up you think you are you never feel more like a child than when you realize your parents are not going to be around forever.” I wasn’t ready to deal with that.

I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment.

At any given moment everything can change.

Don’t wait for tomorrow. Tell the people you love how much you love them today.

And if you’d be willing to say a prayer or two for my father, I’d appreciate that more than you know. Gracias.