I haven’t been able to get in a car where the driver was not my husband, my really good friend, my mom, or my sister, for the past five years.
To some, that might seem like not such a big deal. In reality, perhaps it’s not. For me, though, it is something I struggle with on a regular basis. My main concern is that I would really like to trust others outside of my “safe people” with my anxiety as well. I really want to be okay with a bus driver, a train operator, or a taxi driver driving me around. Most of all I’d like to be okay with some of my new-found friends, that I want to keep around for as long as they let me, driving the vehicle I’m riding in as well.
Twenty minutes. No more than 20 minutes have I managed to tolerate someone other than my husband, my really good friend, my mom, or my sister, operating a motor vehicle that I was in. For the sake of sharing, it’s been about that same amount of time since I last was able to drive alone farther than a quarter of a mile. As you can imagine, this worries everyone around me and scares the living H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of me.
It’s depressing. Disappointing. And so liberating to be able to share this.
Here I am regretting not having said “yes” to an invite I received. An invite to see the blue bonnets on the outskirts of Houston, and I didn’t say “yes” …even though I have been longing to go for several blue bonnet seasons now.
Not only because they are beautiful, but also because I wanted to prove to myself that this would be something I would finally able to do.
So there. Now, please monkey, go and bother someone else today.
No pity. No worries. Just life as an agoraphobic.
I feel for you. You do seem to be making positive steps towards your goal of trusting others outside of your “safe people.”
Thanks for sharing and all the best on making progress.
Thanks for the encouragement, Mona. It has been a long process getting to this point.