stories

My Anti-Presentimiento Remedio-Ritual

Mar 28, 2011 By Juan Alanis in Culture, Familia, Lifestyle, Los Metiches 7 Comments Tags: #latism, cultura, Dichos y Refranes, hispanic, Juan Alanis, Juanofwords, latino, presentimiento, refranes, stories

Nervous beyond belief...

It’s an awful feeling, right there in the pit of your stomach, twisting and turning, telling you “something is wrong, something bad is about to happen,” although you haven’t a clue what, or two whom.

Nothing is worse!

You want to do something, stop something, or at the very least warn somebody, but can’t do anything but sit there and worry. You know that if you start calling around asking people if they’re okay, if they are up to anything dangerous or unusual, you are only going to worry them too, and what’s the point of that? So most times we just suck it up, hope for the best and pray a little, asking that somehow, someway whatever our presentimiento was about doesn’t actually happen.

I generally also try to convince myself that it is little more than silly superstition and that I don’t believe in that stuff… right before repeating my ritual once again: worrying, worrying some more, praying, praying again, and then thinking up everything in the world that “the universe” could be trying to warn me about, before going back to square one all over again.

Maybe it’s because my own mother’s presentimientos always seemed to be so accurate in my memories. She’d get an “ugly feeling” and all of a sudden, BAM, something was wrong! It was unnerving to hear her say tengo un presentimiento. My skin would crawl and I would just start bracing myself. Then I got to thinking, maybe it was just that whole theory that if you believe something strongly enough it will come true. I guess that we are channeling negative energy into our lives and that we are really the ones making bad things happen to ourselves.

A little bit too new age, modern thinking for me… so in the years since I’ve adopted my own “Anti-Presentimiento Remedio-Ritual”. Like when I dream a bad dream, I really do believe that if I repeat it out loud, share it with someone else, I am preventing the dream, or the presentimiento, from actually coming true. That somehow I’m putting a block on it, stopping it dead in its tracks.

It sounds silly, but it is kind of comforting… some of the time.

¡Hombre! ¡Te Haces Pendejo Para Tragar A Puños!

Mar 8, 2011 By Juan Alanis in Dichos / Refranes, Language 4 Comments Tags: battle of the sexes, Dichos y Refranes, guerra de los sexos, Juan Alanis, Juanofwords, refranes, stories, te haces pendejo para tragar a punos

Battle of the Sexes

In driveways everywhere, front yards, back yards, neighborhoods, bars, clubs, patios, around the world, probably in every language, the principal complaint among buddies, when they get together for a little pisteada, is the same: ¡con las mujeres uno nunca gana! That universal grunt heard round the globe when words just aren’t enough to express our overall frustration with the opposite sex.

The common denominator among all men, in a relationship with a woman, almost our anthem, which we can’t help but chant when we finally come to that rite of passage, the realization that sometimes with our women, ‘we can’t live with them and we can’t live without them.’ Because no matter how common our interests, beliefs and values might be, the truth is ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.’ El Sexo Fuerte, with our general misunderstanding of all things emotional. El Sexo Débil, with their seeming obsession to explore even the minutest of feelings, to the very core of their existence.

But before the flood of usual suspects – machista, chauvinistic pig – come to mind, or to the lips, consider the female equivalent to this frustration: men are all idiots!

Or as my comadre Juanita pointed out recently, which coincidentally is the reason for this blog post today, us men, a veces nos hacemos pendejos para tragar a puños. The oldest trick in the book, really. Playing dumb to avoid responsibility, commitment, conversation, extra chores, or any other tasks we just don’t want to do sometimes…or all of the time, in some cases. Where no matter how thoroughly or in how many ways our parejas try to get through to us, make us understand, our expression back to them is always blank and blind, completely lost. And it’s not like it’s any big secret! Las mujeres a veces nada má s nos tiran al leon.

Often, we return the favor.

The only problem, as my father once pointed out: las mujeres nunca olvidan nada / women never forget anything!

Ginoveba Maria Guadalupe Torres, Enamorada – Part I

Feb 16, 2011 By Juan Alanis in Cositas Latinas, Culture, Lifestyle 6 Comments Tags: Dichos y Refranes, Ginoveba Maria Guadalupe Torres, Juan Alanis, Juanofwords, refranes, stories

Ginoveba Enamorada

El cuento de ella es uno de sudor y sacrificio. Not because she gave all of herself to become la abogada, la licenciada, la doctora, or even la maestra, her parents so desperately wanted her to be. Hell, her mom would even tell her behind her father’s back, buscate un muchacho rico que te sepa cuidar y apreciar…si no está guapo, está bien, eso es lo de menos.

Instead, because she did precisely the opposite. Juancho was poor, yes. He was guapo, yes. He had money, no. Clase, no. Connections? Not unless you considered getting a pack of cigarettes fiados at the corner store until pay day any type of power. But he was funny, charming, stupid at always just the right times…like when Ginoveba decided maybe her parents were right and she should dump him at least until he could hold down a steady job, for more than a month digo, she thought. All it took was him pulling out two napkins full of chicken nuggets that he had stolen from his latest job to get fired from as revenge, placing them in the middle of the table and saying “hey well at least we have dinner tonight prietita” to make her give him that overly tooth-baring smile, which he knew meant everything is still okay between us. He knew she was in love with him and that gave him the courage to seguir de vago.

At least that’s what mamá would say every time, on her weekly visits to their little one bedroom, one bath, no-furniture apartment, in the middle of nowhere, where the rent was cheap and all the utilities were included in the monthly payment. There in between those two gas station tienditas, the liquor store, and the panaderia was where each night they’d hold each other really tight laying flat on the floor, well separated by a thin mattress only, promising each other what was yet to come el día de mañana when they could afford it and things were surely going to be better.

¡Ginoveba Maria Guadalupe Torres! No seas tan pendeja, abre los ojos, her mother would always yell when Ginoveba would refuse to believe anything she was telling her about El Juancho. That was also always her last line before storming out of the apartment in an uproar.

From the window, her daughter would just watch. There she went jumping into her car, sitting in there for a minute or two, trying to think of what to say to her husband before calling him, to report why this week again Ginoveba would not be coming home. ¡Papá would not step foot inside that apartamentillo she had left his house for! Instead he’d send mamá to talk some sense into her daughter.

His house might have been small and bien humilde, but it was his. He’d spent the better part of his much younger years breaking his back as an obrero, un buenoparatodo, to pay it off and raise all of his seven kids inside of it. Now this little mocoso was all his little girl could think about and see. La más chiquita, la bebe, la consentida, the one who just a few years back would never have dreamt of leaving his side, now she was the one breaking his heart.

In her defense, Ginoveba really didn’t mean to do it. She was in love. What else could she do? In the novelas you always did whatever you had to in the name of love. And that’s all she was trying to do. She’d be a fiera, a salvaje, an ursurpadora, if she had to be, fight everyone and anybody to defend her amorcito corazón, Ginoveba foolishly thought.

Besides how could she have known that boyishly good looking smile Juancho first gave her when papá brought him to the house por primera vez would have turned into all this? Papá said “Beba ayudale a tu mamá a servir la cena”, that’s what he called her back then, before he was so angry at her. So there she came, rolling her eyes y toda la cosa, despeinada, desganada, and wearing what she always wore when she was just at home watching TV, a pair of basketball shorts and a big tee-shirt. The usual for the quinceañera of the casa. Only this time La Beba was completely humiliated. Her dad’s coworkers were never this young! Or guapos! Even though he looked at least three years older than her, Ginoveba was mesmerized…from the beginning.

He smiled at her! That had to mean something! Papá’s uncomfortable grunting and groaning…only more proof that Juancho now knew who La Beba was.

Now all she needed to do was figure who she actually wanted Ginoveba Maria Guadalupe Torres to be.

Las Lecciones Of The Warriors Luchistas Of My Youth

Feb 9, 2011 By Juan Alanis in Culture, Familia, Lifestyle, Raising a Bilingual Kid 11 Comments Tags: Dichos y Refranes, India Maria, Juan Alanis, Juanofwords, luchista, refranes, stories

Epitome of La Warrior Luchista

Those Aztec Warriors were before my time. The Pancho Villas and Emiliano Zapatas también. Pa que digo que no si sí, as a much more contemporary heroine of my time would say, La India Maria. And that’s not to discount any of their contributions and sacrifices to and for my culture at all. Pero tampoco me voy hacer el que se las sabe toditas en cuanto a sus historias. I’ll be the first to admit there are plenty more things about their time and history that I could stand to learn.

That I probably should learn.

But the heroes and heroines of my time were otros. Most of them barely spoke a word of English. Almost all of them had studied no farther than the second grade. Some of them couldn’t read. A lot more of them were terrible at math like me. Y aún así they were all living the American dream. The one with the long hours and often illegal pay. Not because they didn’t have papers, although a good number of them didn’t, but because they were never paid minimum wage. They worked for less than it so why bother paying them any more than that? They were a humble people. Never too concerned about the latest trend or the fanciest pair of shoes they could buy their kids. They cared more about making sure their hard work would speak for them, volumes past what little broken English they could muster.

As if a scrubbed down toilet, a meticulously built fence, or an extra well manicured lawn, would tell the world how good and honest a people they actually were. The irony is that a lot of times it did. It was a badge of honor for people to recognize how good of a job they were doing even if they still would not pay them el mínimo.

“Your work is your reputation. ¿Si no te enseñas a trabajar qué vas hacer? You have to learn how to work hard, how to do as much as possible, para cuando se ofrezca…uno nunca sabe,” those we’re their constant reminders. It didn’t matter if it was my own parents, my uncles, my grandparents, the neighbors, or even the janitors at school, they all always made the same recommendations for getting ahead.

It was a different generation. A braver one. Of warriors luchistas, all be it in Chick-fil-A uniforms, janitor suits, botas de construcción, hard hats, and aprons. They believed in something. Had risked life and limb to achieve it. And were never above putting their pride aside for the benefit of a bigger picture. Their stories amazed me. Their sacrifices left me speechless. Their determination. Wow! Their determination. I wanted to be like them. To be that confident. To be that sure that things were always going to be okay. To trust in God as much as they did. No se preocupen, Dios siempre nos ayuda. And to never let anything get me down.

I’m sure they did. In fact, I know it. But no matter how bad things got, nothing ever broke them.

When our kids grow up will they see us the same way? Will they think back to the toughest parts of their childhoods and admire the way we persevered against all odds? Will they learn the same lessons we once did? Will they value hard work and honesty much more than money and the material? Even despite our age of everything made easy, gizmos and gadgets? It’s something worth aspiring to. I think.

Cosas De La Vida: En La Guerra Y El Amor Todo Se Vale

Feb 2, 2011 By Juan Alanis in Culture, Dichos / Refranes, Language, Lifestyle 5 Comments Tags: Dichos y Refranes, En la guerra y el amor, Juan Alanis, Juanofwords, refranes, stories

All Is Fair In Love And War

Courtesy of Cornflakegirl

And why not? It is the single-most important human emotion we all possess. The one worth fighting for, against all odds; the one we would seemingly travel the world over to protect; the one that makes us feel safe and happy in the arms of our beloved; and even sometimes in the arms of a not-so-much-beloved. But how do you know the difference between what love is actually real, and the one that, as they say, nomás es pasajero?

More importantly, how do you deal with the reality that after the honeymoon phase is over, whether literally or not, the real work actually begins?

At my sister’s wedding, last October, the priest said something that really made me laugh – not in any perverse way, more because what came out of his mouth was literally what I had always thought, and hearing him say it made me feel very, very validated. Like hmm, see I knew I was right all this time! I’ll paraphrase what he said because I don’t remember exactly the words he used to make me feel SO right. Basically, that while the beautiful couple was very much in love at the moment, in their enviable young age and physique, that the days eventually would come when they would not be able to bare the sight of one another…be it from anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, or just plain boredom (depressing, I know, but it’s not all bad), and that it would be in those precise moments that their love would actually face the true testing of their vows.

¡Cuando lo veas gordo, feo y apesto! Ahí es cuando tienes que demostrarle tu amor.

It made me laugh because I think, just maybe, that is the true test of how real a love actually is. That when the muscle turns into flab, the abs into a gut, the hiney into a mass of cellulite, the full head of hair into a rapidly receding hairline…or maybe not, but in some way the physical attributes begin to shift. And, mucho más importantemente, that when life begins throwing its curve balls, as it most definitely will, that person is there to stand beside you – even if they don’t know exactly what to do or say – holding your hand, pulling you through, caring enough to not just walk away…and knowing that you would do the same for them. That when you’re facing tragedy, despair, adversity, the end of the road, or even the much dreaded drama of the teenage years, you learn to work as a team and fork ahead…just bow your head down and fork ahead, where no one player is ever more important than the rest.

Definitely not to say that one’s self-respect and dignity should ever be cast aside, sacrificed for the survival of any relationship. They shouldn’t be! But the fact is, love and marriage are a constant battle. First to find the honest and sincere kind – sin interés – then to hold on to it, nourish it, and nurse it back from the wounds of life.

Then again, I may be completely off.

These are just the thoughts of this gordo, feo y apestoso.

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The BIG Announcement

Jan 31, 2011 By Juan Alanis in News/Politics 14 Comments Tags: Dichos y Refranes, Houston Chronicle, Juan Alanis, Juan of Words, La Voz de Houston, refranes, stories

¡Estamos de Fiesta en Juan of Words!

¡¡Fiestonon!!

So…I am very excited to finally share some pretty big news about my blog with all of you…hence the title of this post. Beginning today, Juanofwords.com will be joining the community of bloggers supported by the Houston Chronicle and their Spanish-language publication, La Voz de Houston!

The details are in the video below, but let me just say this here as well. This website will continue being the home of all Juan of Words content and WILL NOT cease to exist. Instead, a sub-blog titled
Juan of Words – A blog by a Latino for Latinos…y Más will offer a little more variety of content and information for everyone to enjoy. Think things I might have not included in this blog in the past, but that are equally fun and entertaining to write about. As always, my blogs are live, breathing animals and your input and suggestions are very much welcome.

To visit Juan of Words – A blog by a Latino for Latinos…y Más just click on the banner to the right with the words “Más Juan at Chron.com”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4SW4LuRv_Y]