Today I realized que mañana soy cumpleañero one more time. Esta vez I’m getting closer to that age where people start telling you things like “you’re no spring chicken anymore” or “you’re over the hill.” The truth is, depending on who you might ask, that statement may very well be true. Age, as you know, is very subjective.
The truth of the matter, though, is that with age also comes a little less… let’s see how would one say this… pena, verguenza, concern about what others might think. I guess in a way for me, age has slowly been making me more sinverguenza.
I am okay with who I am. I am okay with my imperfections. I’m mostly okay with my choices. And I am also okay with dealing with the inevitable consequences of whatever choices I’ve made. This past year has been especially critical in forcing me to be okay with all of the above, even when at times I didn’t feel 100% ready. It’s kind of been like a crazy boot camp in my life, this year. Things have happened that honestly weren’t expected. Personal and professional relationships in my life have been tested. My own character has been put through the grinder and forced to answer some very tough moral and ethical questions. I’ve had to choose between being the bigger person or being the bigger a$$h###e.
I’ll admit, at times it was the latter, and it felt pretty damn good too. But when it came to the decisions that really mattered, the choices that really weighed on me and caused me to lose many nights of sleep, the ones I would have to live with, I want to believe I took the more adult approach of not taking things so personally.
And the reality is they were never really personal at all.
People make mistakes. We’re all human and sometimes no matter how hard we try, things are just not going to work out the way we want them to. The choice we do have, I believe, is how we react to every situation. That’s what is more telling of who we really are. As Cyndi Lauper might say, what helps us see each others true colors. Oh boy, now I’m really starting to age myself.
So here’s the thing. I am turning one more year older. I don’t really have anything very profound to say about this particular “milestone” in my life. It’s here. It doesn’t feel like such a big deal. Although I did feel the need to write this blog post for some reason. I guess that says something about me.
Maybe I thought something insightful would come to me. As you can tell, nothing has. The only thing that keeps coming to mind is that one song by Juan Gabriel… “no soy monedita de oro, pa’ caerle bien a todos… así nací y así soy, si no me quieren, ni modo.”
Yup, pretty much.
I don’t want to double this milestone and realize that hey, you know what, I should have just gone for the things that I really wanted in life.
I think I’m just going to take them.