It’s one o’clock in the morning. I should be asleep, but I’m not. Instead I’m awake thinking. Not about anything in particular, but about everything really. You know what I mean?
One of those nights when you’re sleepy and you know you should probably make an effort to go to sleep, but instead you’re battling to stay awake. No sé. I guess there’s just a lot on my mind lately.
How we sometimes make every effort to just be strong and give the impression that we’re not at all stressed or worried. When we try to suppress those feelings that we know are only natural. That is until they rear their ugly head and let us know that “hey, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” That’s when all I want to do is write.
And that’s where the conundrum is I guess. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never taken on this huge of a challenge and told myself that I would make something happen no matter what. It’s a risk and it’s new territory for me. Sure, I know what the steps are and I know the mechanics of getting from point A to point B… but at the same time I can’t help but have those moments where the little voice in my head creeps in and makes me question everything, especially myself.
It’s silly really. I feel kind of stupid for even sharing this with you all, but I think it’s necessary.
It’s necessary for me, and I also think it’s important because I just want to be honest and upfront.
I want to share more than just the good stuff in my life right now.
There’s no filter needed for that.
So in that spirit, this is where I am right now. Laying in bed, writing, thinking, stressing, analyzing myself, and proofing every single word I just wrote. Not for grammar, but for honesty.