Corazoncito tirano...

Tyrant because you are unyielding, uncontrollable and impatient!  Never can one aspire to hold domain over your desires and palpitations…even in the hardest of times, when doing so would avoid mountains of pain, all we are left to do is plead for your mercy.

El corazón no se manda, por más que uno quiera.

And it’s true.  Because no matter how hardened one becomes, how angered and infuriated, how trampled on by life we feel, we can’t avoid the act of yearning for what our heart desires.  Sure sometimes the pain subsides.  The yearning lessens.  Mind can fool itself into believing it has any tiny bit of control over the corazoncito, but nothing like that call in the middle of the night to shake us back into the very core of our reality.  In an instant, that mad flood of raw emotion, bringing us down, humbling us, to the honest truth of how much we really do care.

Maybe it doesn’t happen often, or nearly as often as it should,  but when it does years become seconds, time irrelevant, stupid fights and grudges forgotten.  Because in the end, that’s what those things are, unnecessary.  Band-aids we place on our wounds to subdue them, perhaps for survival, to live with them, and what we forget is that what they are is just that, never more.  Just a quick fix that can easily be undone

Personally there’ve been hundreds of times I’ve foolishly hardened myself, led myself to believe that I just did not care anymore, that I could truly runaway from me…from the things inside of me that I just can’t control.  Yet for all the coercion and manipulation it took me to get to that high, each time, on the painful crash down against the pavement of my heart, I remembered those words…el corazón no se manda, el corazón no se manda, el corazón no se manda!

The thing is, as hard as it is to achieve, it’s not until we accept this fact of life that one can truly begin to understand the inner workings of the heart.  That beyond all personal choice and preference, the heart is completely autonomous and overbearing.  A tyrant perhaps, but at least one that always has our best interest at hand…even when it doesn’t exactly feel like it.