Back To The Basics: My Reason For The Dichos

After A Week Of Little More Than Personal Observation…

Direction...

Back to the basics.

Something I’m beginning to understand a lot more profoundly lately.  Not like the concept of Back to the Basics of many an artist who swear off all luxuries in order to return to the good old days before their fame and fortune.  I’ve had neither, so I’m good in that department.  More like the idea of returning to square one, examining the road behind and thinking about the many steps ahead – personally, professionally and everything in between.

A look back really at where I’ve been and where I’d like to go.  The truth is there aren’t any clear answers and the more I think about it, the more stressed out I get.  But that in itself is precisely the problem.  My problem.  Over thinking and overanalyzing everything.   From what to post in a new blog, to what project or projects to focus most of my attention on at any given time.  Like it or not, I’m the product of my dichos – forewarnings for almost every aspect of my life.

Oh don’t do that or this might happen.

Are you sure that is what you want to do?

Maybe you should think about it a little bit more before you do anything.

It’s constant!  A never ending battle taking place inside my head.  One side of my brain wanting to be more spontaneous, the other too paranoid to allow anything unexpected to happen.  I could blame it on my Catholic upbringing, all the guilting of one’s actions into good deeds; my father’s rigid rules growing up, never even allowing us to sleep over at any of our friend’s houses; or even the circumstances of my own personal tragedies throughout these years; but in reality there’s only one excuse to blame:  the fear of failure.  To let myself go, to give all of my heart and soul, to sweat it out and cry it out, and still turn up empty handed, looking like a fool, standing there on that ledge knowing I’ve done the very thing I’ve always tried so hard to avoid – FAIL!!

Not that it’s unfamiliar territory, but the sour taste it’s left before I can still taste.

Still this blog now is all free-flowing, without the usual back and forth about what to share and what to keep private.

A step in the right direction, I think.

Cathartic even…maybe.

No se.

Ya veremos.

5 thoughts on “Back To The Basics: My Reason For The Dichos”

  1. Juan, te entiendo mucho.

    When I started my blog it was supposed to be anonymous – once I lost anonymity, I wasn’t sure how to continue.

    There is a vulnerability in sharing ourselves with the world. You feel like you’re giving an actual piece of yourself sometimes and it’s hard to decide what to give and what to keep for yourself. Trying to find that balance is frustrating because one day you may feel more open and willing, the next day you may feel introverted and regret putting something out there for all to see.

    I guess I don’t have any palabras sabias but just wanted to let you know, you’re not alone. This is something most people struggle with these days with so much of our lives played out online amongst strangers, family and friends alike.

    I read an article that said 92% of children in the US have an online presence by the time they are two years old. Their parents (usually their mothers), have used their blog or a social network to share their names and weight when they’re born. They share stories, photos, videos, etc. through each precious stage they go through. We have a generation of children entering this world who have no choice but to be online from the very start.

    I wonder if by the time they’re old enough to log on themselves, if this next generation will lack the inhibitions that cause us so much anxiety? (And whether it’s a good thing, a bad thing – or it just is what it is.)

    1. You are so right. A lot of those same battles are the ones that have been taking place in my head, lol. My biggest challenge is trying not to offend anyone with my writing by misrepresenting them or our stories, but that is part of this medium of expression. We write from our own recollections and hope they are as true to our loved ones memories as they are to us.

      But then again that is the reason for the disclaimer “these memories are based on the recollections of the authors.”

      Como dije antes no se…I guess we’ll figure it out along the way. Gracias, amiga!

  2. Your openness and honesty here is admirable and even inspirational, Juan. ¡Que no estás solo macho!

    I can relate with a lot of what you have experienced here. Some of it’s sharing multi-cultural roots as well as the fact that technology now enables a therapeutic conduit that wasn’t available to generations past.

    My main message would be to tell you ¡Ánimo! You feel what many others feel and have the guts to eloquently share it. There’s catharsis for you in the act of sharing your experiences and feelings but there’s also catharsis for others too!

    ¡Muy bien hecho… Gracias por compartirlo! De verdad…

    1. I can only hope that my words are relatable to my readers. Thank you for letting me know you understand and appreciate them.

      Maybe that is the ultimate gift of this writing thing, vocalizing emotions and feelings and letting them connect with others.

      Pero frankly, I’m going through something of an existentialism phase….

  3. Stopping by to say thank you for writing this. I admire your transparency and can relate to the things you talk about.

    Still trippin’ on what Tracy said about the 92% of children that have an online presence before they can talk. Tremendo eso. I just got twitter last year and that’s my only digital footprint at the moment–maybe out of fear of what people will think or, I don’t know really. Before I veer off there . . .

    You’re out of this world, Juan. Pilgrims. Passing through, dropping gems and helping people by your experience and giving insight through your perspective.

    NOTW,
    A

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