After A Week Of Little More Than Personal Observation…

Direction...

Back to the basics.

Something I’m beginning to understand a lot more profoundly lately.  Not like the concept of Back to the Basics of many an artist who swear off all luxuries in order to return to the good old days before their fame and fortune.  I’ve had neither, so I’m good in that department.  More like the idea of returning to square one, examining the road behind and thinking about the many steps ahead – personally, professionally and everything in between.

A look back really at where I’ve been and where I’d like to go.  The truth is there aren’t any clear answers and the more I think about it, the more stressed out I get.  But that in itself is precisely the problem.  My problem.  Over thinking and overanalyzing everything.   From what to post in a new blog, to what project or projects to focus most of my attention on at any given time.  Like it or not, I’m the product of my dichos – forewarnings for almost every aspect of my life.

Oh don’t do that or this might happen.

Are you sure that is what you want to do?

Maybe you should think about it a little bit more before you do anything.

It’s constant!  A never ending battle taking place inside my head.  One side of my brain wanting to be more spontaneous, the other too paranoid to allow anything unexpected to happen.  I could blame it on my Catholic upbringing, all the guilting of one’s actions into good deeds; my father’s rigid rules growing up, never even allowing us to sleep over at any of our friend’s houses; or even the circumstances of my own personal tragedies throughout these years; but in reality there’s only one excuse to blame:  the fear of failure.  To let myself go, to give all of my heart and soul, to sweat it out and cry it out, and still turn up empty handed, looking like a fool, standing there on that ledge knowing I’ve done the very thing I’ve always tried so hard to avoid – FAIL!!

Not that it’s unfamiliar territory, but the sour taste it’s left before I can still taste.

Still this blog now is all free-flowing, without the usual back and forth about what to share and what to keep private.

A step in the right direction, I think.

Cathartic even…maybe.

No se.

Ya veremos.