He Who Gets Married A Home Wants
The following is not meant as an account of any true experiences neither by the author or anyone else closely related or associated to him, it is merely a humorous observation on the commonly held notion of Suegra-Nuera relations. Any similarities to the reader’s personal experiences are purely coincidental.
Because two adult women in a single home is never advisable, not even under the most urgent of circumstances, and especially not if the two women in question happen to be suegra and nuera, that is to say they share one common bond – a son and a husband, one in the same.
Not that a harmonious living environment under these conditions is impossible. Let’s just say it is highly unlikely. Why? For many reasons: some logical, some illogical, others personal, and most of them, if not all of them, entirely confusing to the poor fellow stuck in the middle.
So just for kicks, guys, here a few reasons why this is a bad idea:
1. Kitchen Wars – Q: Who is going to do most of the cooking? A1: Mom of course, she is the matriarch and more than likely knows her way around the kitchen a little better, but then the nuera runs the risk of adopting the title floja. A2: The new wife then, right? Only problem: momma is not going to like the cooking and won’t approve of the way her son is being fed. Which also begs the question who is going to wash the dishes? – a battle royale all on its own.
2. Ropa Sucia – Yes, it will be washed at home where it should be, but again the battle over whether to use a trusty old bar of ZOTE or the latest new scented and fandangled laundry detergent will lead to unnecessary confrontations. Prepare for secret trips to the lavanderia.
3. To Hoard or Not to Hoard – One can’t stand to throw things away…everything has its use…the other couldn’t care less for anything that is not immediately necessary. Should one inadvertently throw the other’s crap away, three words: RUN FOR COVER!!
4. Child Rearing – “Why did you spank the morillos?” “Hmm, that’s why those kids are so spoiled!” “I always put my children first, above all else.” “Poor kids, you must be starving.” “Everything is so easy nowadays; anyone can call themselves a parent.” – Have we learned nothing from Everybody Loves Raymond!?
5. The Mighty Peso – You spend too much money, or never enough. New pair of shoes, a dress, the nails done, a haircut and a do, dinner, a movie, y ni hablemos del precio del daycare, and uh…let the lectures on money commence. If on the other hand, you’re tightfisted with the mula you may get a little speech about how you should be able to spend just a little bit of your hard-earned money on whatever you wish.
If by chance you’re fortunate enough to have mastered the art and science of keeping both suegra and nuera happy under one roof, stop, thank your lucky stars right now, and give some serious thought to writing a book for the rest of us out here.