Juan of Words

Stories, Dichos and Other Prose

Archive for March, 2010

31 March
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De Suerte Contentos, Uno De Cientos

With Good Luck, One Of Hundreds

My mother’s mobile Taqueria was purple.  It was wider than most.  It was taller than most.  We had bought it from a previous owner who utilized it as a small business office.  The large double window where    we served orders from was an add-on,    as were the fixtures inside my father had crafted.  We had painted it purple for no good reason other than that was the color my mother had found on sale.  When it came time to naming it, we settled on Taqueria Cerritos in honor of the small town in Mexico my parents were from.

We had never owned a business, much less one that required so much from every single member of our family.  Early in the dawn hours my mother would awake to begin the process of preparing the food she would sell that day.  My father would drive over to the parking lot where our mobile unit was parked and unload the gas tank inside before heading to his real job.  Once the tortillas were ready my mother would make trip after trip loading up her car: car, kitchen, car, kitchen, car, kitchen…

Soon after, silence would reign and we’d stay behind lying on our beds, grasping those last moments of sleep, smothered by the intoxicating scent of her cooking.  By the time I’d make it over to the taqueria before my shift at work she’d already be dispatching customers left and right.  Those months were some of the happiest I’ve ever seen my mother – despite the episodes of frustration she’d sometimes unleash on us.  She had achieved her American Dream.  She was working for herself, turning a minimal profit, and planning for the future.  This was a long way from our days of toting tamales and tortillas wrapped in aluminum around the parking lots of local Walmart’s and Fiesta grocery stores trying to sell them for a few bucks.

Customers now came to us, even if in sporadic bursts.

My youngest sisters were her sidekicks.  They were too young to stay at home by themselves and just old enough to understand how they should behave while at work.  Unfortunately they were so bored the pair would take turns coming in and out of the taqueria, playing in what little space there was.  There wasn’t much because although the unit was larger than most, it had a small stove inside, a refrigerator, a food preparation area, a storage area, and lots of stacks of Styrofoam cups and plates along the wall.  We even managed to get a small television and a phone set inside, so for fun my mother would let them sometimes charge customers for their orders.  The public always seemed to enjoy their presence and interaction.

Quite soon after, however, we realized our biggest impediment was our location.  People could not see Taqueria Cerritos as they drove by.  We bought signs and placed them in the median and along the strips of grass running parallel to the sidewalk, but it was all to no avail.  We were sinking, and we were sinking fast.  Sometimes my mother had to leave me or one of my siblings in charge (mostly when she ran out of supplies and had to hurry back home to pick up more) and, at least for my part, I’d make a lot of customers mad: either because the tortillas would not be soft enough or warm enough, or because I’d forget to add in the right condiments.   I was 20 and had never worked at a restaurant.  I was lost.

When they would complain I would just freeze and apologize.

My guilty conscious caught the better of me and I decided that year I’d use my vacation time to help out in the taqueria.  Two weeks straight I handed out flyers at local businesses, took orders over the phone, and delivered food within a 15 minute radius of our business.  Things began to pick up, but the question then became who would take over my place once I went back to work.  My father and all of my siblings could not do so because of work or school, my mother could not leave the business unattended, and our profit was not enough to hire anyone.  Slowly we started to realize Taqueria Cerritos was not going to make it.

The weeks that followed were difficult to say the least.

With the passing of each day the twinkle in my mother’s eyes began to lessen.  Her excitement replaced by stress; her energy usurped by fatigue; her dream breaking into pieces before her very eyes.  The only thing left to grasp onto were the memories inside those four walls on wheels.  One evening, my father’s truck just turned into our driveway with the restaurant attached to it.  That purple taqueria sat in our back yard, locked up, and untouched for several months until one day a younger couple turned up, attached Taqueria Cerritos to their truck, and drove away with our business.

My mother never again attempted to open a food service business.  Neither did we resort to our regular practice of selling tamales and tortillas in parking lots.  Instead she chalked it up to bad luck, thanked God for allowing her to makeup part of her investment, and continued her role as our matriarch.  She taught us to never give up no matter how heartbreaking the defeat.

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30 March
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Life In Prison: My Two Hours In Jail

A mixture of relief and excitement took hold of me as one door slammed behind us and another one jerked open in front of us.  This was my first time inside an actual jail, and it was much more than I had anticipated.  All at once I felt sad for the young faces locked up behind those concrete walls, angry about the illegal aliens – “mostly Mexicans” detained for illegal reentry – who made up the largest part of the prison population, proud of our tour guide for making it clear even inmates deserve to be treated like human beings, and tormented by the fact that some of the people I care about have had to endure the hardship of spending even one night in a place like this. 

At one point of our tour at this Federal Detention Center we walked among the general prison population in their living quarters.  Some guys were playing cards on long school-cafeteria-style tables; others were playing basketball and exercising behind a glass wall; a few did nothing but stand still; several guys nodded at me (I nodded back); and all of them stared at us in disbelief and confusion.  The tour guide told us federal prisons are no longer allowed to offer weight equipment that would enable inmates to build up their arms and upper body.  Instead they must do it the old fashion way: sit-ups and push-ups.  The bad thing is they are no longer exhausted and ready to sleep at lights out, creating a whole new set of challenges for prison staff.

I’d seen all the prison movies, heard all the stories from people who had been on the inside, but nothing could have prepared me for walking into that cell and experiencing it for myself.  As the solid metal door shut behind me I looked around at my surroundings and felt immediately hopeless.  The room was just a few inches larger than a standard freight elevator.  It had one tall slender window in the corner.  The glass was hazy either from old age or dirt.  The width of it was smaller than my leg.  A single bunk bed sat less than a foot away from the toilet.  And on the immediate other side was a desk the two inmates who share this room have to share with each other.  I can’t begin to fathom what it must be like to spend one day, month, or year after the other within four walls such as those. 

Those young faces, years more juvenile than my own, are what are causing me to pause.  I can’t help wondering why they are sitting there.  Not the crime they were convicted for, but what course of action in their lives (what moment) led to them spiraling into a life behind bars.  It made me want to be a better parent.  It made me want to be a better person.  It made me want to do something to stop these young people from rotting away in jail. It made me want to yell.   

It made me want to cry.

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23 March
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Rage In Music: The Spanish Break-Up Song

Unlike its English counterpart, the Spanish-language break-up song is significantly more aggressive.  It directly attacks, insults and even ridicules the departed party, giving the scorned lover full liberty to unleash their rage.  

Few words are off limits!

While Gloria Gaynor’s greatest hit, I Will Survive takes us through the healthy process of overcoming our fears, discovering our inner strength and resolving to learn from our mistakes: I’m not that chained up little person / still in love with you / now I’m saving all my loving / for someone who’s loving me; Gloria Trevi’s Cinco Minutos (Five Minutes) openly boasts about her ex’s misfortune: I’ll give you five minutes; vent / Don’t think I don’t have anything better to do / And if I said hello it was only a courtesy / Now you are at the bottom and I am at the top.    

On the other side of the spectrum, Beyonce’s chart topper, Irreplaceable steps up the rage:  You could pack all your things, we’re finished / Cause you made your bed, now lay in it / I can have another you by tomorrow / Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable; but still is not as forceful as say Pesado’s Ojala (Hopefully), which leaves very little to the imagination: Hopefully / Life will charge you with interest the damage you’ve done to me / That you may not find love, And if one day you do / That it fails / Hopefully someone will make you suffer and from all the pain / You will no longer desire to live / That you will want to die.

Now that’s frustration!

La India’s Que Me Importa (What do I care?), callously expresses: What do I care to see you like that, without dignity / I don’t care about anything and that is your truth / What do I care… / If it takes you a lifetime to understand / That you have lost me / If our memories hurt you / And cause you to cry like a child / What do I care?  Not to be forgotten.  Few can deliver a great break-up song as well as the Mexican singer Paquita la del Barrio (Paquita from the hood).  Her most popular anthem Rata de dos patas (Two-legged rat) spares no offense in its fury: Disgusting rat / Despicable animal / Slum of the earth / Ridiculous mistake / Damn reptile / How much damage you have caused me / Trash of this life / I hate you and despise you. 

Next time you’re unfortunate enough to be suffering from a love affair gone wrong, you might give Spanish break-up songs a chance.  They may not have a lasting impact, but in the moment, they are a hell of a quick fix. 

If you have a favorite break-up song of your own, share it here.

Song Links:

Gloria Gaynor – I will survive

Gloria Trevi – Cinco Minutos

Beyonce – Irreplaceable

Pesado – Ojala

La India – Que me importa

Paquita la del Barrio – Rata de dos patas

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22 March
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Where Were Houston’s Hispanics!?

So tens of thousands of people turned out for the immigration reform march that took place this past Sunday in Washington, D.C.  They were there demanding a reform to the nation’s current immigration laws from President Barrack Obama and members of Congress.  Meanwhile, here in Houston, organizers also put together a similar march down Canal Street in the East End, with one salient difference – significantly fewer protesters. 

Chanting the same message as their counterparts in D.C. (si se puede, yes we can), considerably fewer marchers convened at the intersection of Cesar Chavez Drive and Canal Street just before 2 p.m.  To say that approximately 1,000 individuals showed up for this march is a very generous overstatement because had it not been for the buses that drove people in from other areas of town, not even half of that number would have been achieved.  There were almost more police cars and officers than protesters. 

In a city as large as Houston, with so many Hispanics, what does that tell us about our community?

Are we to assume that not enough Latinos in our city care about immigration reform to march in support of its implementation; that word of mouth did not get around as it should have; that most of our protesters were actually in D.C. participating on a national scale; or that more people did not come out because they were afraid of being deported as The New York Times reported today?  Whatever the reason, it was discouraging not to see more familiar faces.

What do you think? 

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19 March
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De Tal Palo, Tal Astilla

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

Higueras, duraznos, naranjas, hierbabuena, Piquin, and romero are just a few of the plants that come to mind when I think of my mother’s gardens throughout the years.  Everywhere she’s ever lived she’s left a tropical paradise behind.  None more so than at the last house   we shared before I went my own way.

Picture purple leaves, sprawling through the ground, greens of every tone dancing in the wind, running parallel to the curving sidewalk on either side, trees taller than grown men whispering in your ears, roses by the dozen lining the entrance of our home, the scent of orange and peach, rosemary and mint, greeting you the moment you walked in past our iron gate.  That was the home we shared while I was finishing school and getting ready for the rest of my life.  It was also the place where I finally understood why my mother is so meticulous about her gardening.

You see, for her, gardening is more than growing plants; it’s about planting seeds and leaving something behind.  Something that represents who you are, that let’s people know you were here in this world, and that you cared enough to leave your plot in the world a little better off than you found it.  That is the explanation she gave me.

Knowing life in the rancho would not be for her, uncertain about which part of the States she’d end up in, and nostalgic about leaving her parent’s behind, my mother packed up what little clothes she had, prepared to meet up with the coyota that was crossing her over, and walked up to my grandfather to ask for his blessing.  He obliged and gave her a piece of advice she never forgot: plant mija, wherever you are remember to plant; that is our legacy; that is what we will leave behind.

Poverty was the perpetrator behind her departure, and my mother had spent enough of her life away from her parent’s to know that the tall tales of abundance in the United States were exactly that – fables.  At the age of five she had been given away to her mother’s sister who lived in another town.  Try as she had, moving back home was never possible until she turned 15.  By then it was too late – she was a stranger in her own home.  In leaving, her goal was not to obtain great wealth, but to earn enough money to raise a family and send money back home to Mexico.

She did both, even when what she could send was little more than a letter letting her parents know she was still alive.  Building an empire was never an option.

Over the years her gardens became more elaborate.  Each one incorporated more techniques and precision to the process.  Five gallon paint cans, old pots, plastic containers of all shapes and sizes were recruited to serve as incubators for new plant life.  As the foliage began to pour over their containers they were either replanted on solid ground or given away as gifts.  At one point, my mother became so popular for selling peach plants at her garage sales that neighbors would just randomly show up to ask if she had any more.

When my parent’s moved out of that home, just a few years ago, it took an entire 24-foot U-Haul truck to transport less than half of her plants.

Almost four decades later, my mother is once again beginning the process of leaving her mark in the home she was finally able to have constructed from scratch.  Her garden is once again beginning to take shape, and despite the added years my mother is still as meticulous about her planting as ever.

I’m excited to see her efforts come to fruition, even though in my heart I now know her most far-reaching undertaking has been to plant in us the inspiration to leave behind a legacy of our own.

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18 March
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No Hay Rosa Sin Espinas

There Is No Rose Without Thorns

Everything that goes up must come down.  If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  Never say never.  Love all, trust few.  All wise words easily interchangeable with this dicho.  Their commonality, each warns us about making mistakes in judgment and in life.  Yet regardless of how many times we hear these words, or others, we’re still bound to make mistakes.

Nobody can live life for us and rarely do we really learn from the mistakes of others.

It can’t happen to me, that’s their own fault, I’m not going to make that mistake, this is not the same thing – all excuses we use to rationalize our actions when that pesky little voice in the back of our head is warning us something is not right.  A lot of times it’s just easier to ignore that queasy feeling.  We occupy our time so we don’t have to think about it, and go on with our lives.  The unfortunate fact of the matter is that sooner or later our mistakes will catch up to us. 

Like an unwelcome and unexpected guest, our blunders will waltz into our lives, make themselves comfortable and refuse to leave until we properly deal with all of their ramifications.  Of course the argument could be made that whatever doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.  And it does, but wouldn’t it be nice if we could have a radar of sorts that would tell us when we were about to make a mistake.  That we could just push a button and avoid the error completely.  Then we would be able to consciously decide whether we want to deal with the associated drama or not. 

Even better, as parents we’d have decision-making authority on our children’s mistakes, at least until they turned 25 or something.  Wouldn’t that make life so much more peaceful!?

Parent:  I know you are 21 and you want to go out for a drink and have sex, but I just don’t think you’re ready for all that.

Kid:  But all my friends are doing it, and they even get to stay out past midnight. 

Parent:  Well you’re not your friends.  I’m sorry…my answer is still no.  I am hitting the anti-blunder button now and that’s that!

Kid:  This is not fair…       

Mr. Steve Wozniak and Mr. Bill Gates you’ve just been assigned a new project!

Until that happens we’ll have to settle for trying to be better listeners with ourselves – to not dismiss those butterflies in the stomach, or the whispers in our mind.  That when we find that rose that captivates us like no other, we do not blind ourselves to the thorns that will undoubtedly line its stem. 

And yes, using naivety and ignorance as an excuse eventually does get old. 

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17 March
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¡Ando Bien Contenis!

Contenis, as in happy, excited, overjoyed, in good spirits, and a host of other positive-feeling adjectives.     If you’ve ever heard a Mexican say this word and wondered what he or she was talking about, you should know this variation on the Spanish utterance for happy is just that.  Another way to express a feeling of joy!

Not anything relating to tennis shoes, unless we are excited about a new pair of sneakers and use it to express how contenis we are.  For Example:

Q:  ­¿Que onda guey?   What’s up dude?

A:  Aqui nomas.   Just here.  

Q:  ¿Como andas?   How are you?

A:  ¡Contenis!   Happy!

My favorite morning radio deejay uses this word all the time, in so many different ways, that it has just become one of my favorite Mexican Spanish slang words.  It’s very flexible, can be uttered in various intonations, can be applied to virtually any friendly exchange, and is just more fun to say than contento, feliz, agradable, satisfecho,etc.  Yet if you look it up in the dictionary of the Real Academia Española (the worldwide leading authority on the Spanish language) there is no definition for contenis.

Still contenis makes me happy!  How do you use this expression?

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16 March
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Census Sense!?

Much ado is being made about the 2010 Census taking place this year.  The Hispanic community in particular is being bombarded with messages that legal status should not prevent us from participating, that if we don’t participate we will lose out on federal funds and programs, that last time around thousands of us were not counted, and that as a result our communities did not receive the help they needed.

At the same time thousands of Latinos are being detained and deported straight from their job sites, employers are being pressured to eliminate undocumented workers from their work staffs, and much debate still remains about what ethnic group we can all be categorized under – even within our own community.  Some prefer the term Hispanic.  Others would rather be called Latino.  Many more favor terms like Mexican, Mexican-American, Chicano, Cuban-American, Puerto Rican, Costa Rican, etc., etc.

And those 10 infamous questions do not even list Hispanic, Latino or Spanish as a valid race option – perhaps because we make so many distinctions about our own demographic.

Lately, for example, I’ve been hearing a lot about how the most recent generations of Hispanics – the ones who speak mostly English and hold college degrees – are the ones that are making the biggest impact on our community.  That they are the ones that are voting, getting better jobs and leading us into new heights of success and acceptance in this country.  That may be true, but why should we denounce who we are in order to gain wider acceptance in this society?  When did speaking Spanish become a bad tag?

I like reading English newspapers and magazines just as much as anyone else.  And yes, sometimes speaking, reading and writing in English is my preference, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s important for non-English speakers to have a voice.  Education and college degrees are important!  So are having pride in our personal backgrounds and standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

I’m not advocating for a revolt against the 2010 U.S. Census.  It is what it is, and we should take the 10 minutes out of our lives to fill it out, regardless of what our legal status or education level is in this country.  Because it may very well impact how our communities evolve over the next decade.  In doing so, however, let’s remember our differences should not be greater than our similarities.

Holding a degree and speaking the language better than others does not make us better than anyone else!

It is in our hands.

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15 March
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Father And Son

Last night my neighbor and his son were standing outside their home in the dark.  The light was dim, the body language was jerky, almost awkward, and the voices were deep.  Not that I could hear anything from where I was observing across the street, or wanted to, but as I sat there smoking my cigarette I couldn’t help to think about my own relationship with my father. 

There was something familiar in the way the boy humbly towered over his father.  The way the father cautiously measured his every move.  And finally how so much seemed to be understood by the simple arm embracing that took place before the son drove off.  After he was gone, my white-haired neighbor stood there, alone, staring at the road for a few minutes.  No words were spoken.  No emotions were visible.  He simply stood there, and then in one instant was out of sight. 

My father and I have never been expressive about our emotions.  We know that we love each other and that is enough.  The closest we’ve ever come to actually exchanging an I love you was when we shared a couple of beers and made small chatter about simple nothings.  There is just an unspoken understanding between fathers and sons, I think.  Where with my mother I can hug her, kiss her forehead and verbally enunciate how strong my feelings are for her.  With my father it is not necessary. 

His lessons to me have been to persevere no matter what, to take responsibility as a man, and to provide as best I can for my family. 

I wonder what the transformation from boy to man must be from the other side.  To see your son grow from something so small you can carry with one hand to a towering facial-haired adult.  To hear his voice deepen farther and farther away from the innocent sweetness it once was.  To know that his strength is now more powerful than yours, and that all the time you thought you had is now gone. 

It’s definitely not something any of us are ever fully prepared for

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11 March
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De Noche Todos Los Gatos Son Pardos

At Night All Cats Are Strays

We weren’t exactly strays, but we were in the dark in many ways.

That night we made the decision to leave for the city there was nothing but frantic movements.  In one instant the sharp pain of my father awaking us with jagged force, the overfilling what little we could into the few bags we had, the hurrying to leave before sunset, all blended together into one drunken blur of adrenaline and excitement.  Before I knew it we were on the road going north farther than we had ever traveled away from our sleepy little border town, at least in this direction.

My father hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell his uncle that after more than eight years of working for him and living beside him he was moving us out of town, so we had to hurry up and leave before anyone awoke that morning.  We were heading for Houston.  My father had a brother there and my parents had enough money to get us there.  People said there were lots of jobs there and something called minimum wage.  I don’t know if there was an actual plan to what we were doing, but we were told we’d be staying with my uncle for a few days until we could afford a place of our own.  I’d never met this uncle, but the excitement of knowing he was somewhere new made me want to meet him.

Our biggest excitement in the Valley was making the weekly trip to the grocery store.  Valley Mart was an hour away from our home in the woods and every Saturday like clockwork we would all pack into my dad’s car to make the trip into town.  If we were lucky, he’d hand us a few quarters to go buy some candy or anything else we could afford.  Even when we didn’t get any money, being inside the Valley Mart was thrill enough.  Yet we had always wanted to know what else was out there.

For years my mother had begged my father to move us into the city.  He always shot her down by reminding her neither of them, nor my two eldest sisters had the legal documents to make it past the immigration checkpoint on this side.  One slip of the tongue and we would be back in Mexico faster than you could say immigrant.

By this time, though, everyone had their residency papers, and try as he had, my father finally realized improving our life in the Valley was not going to be possible.  He didn’t earn enough and we were only getting older, requiring more and more.

This was long after our days of running to hide from la Migra. Before then, every time we’d see their green trucks driving along the main road – a good football field from our home – we’d run inside yelling la Migra, my mother would lock us inside the house, and we wouldn’t come out again until we were certain no immigration officers were nearby.  They did come to our house a few times, and just a few years before, their threats of involuntary deportation had been enough to send us packing back to Mexico for several weeks.  Our family, however, like countless others, could not afford to stay put.  We came back and were lucky enough to gain legal status in the United States.

Green cards were all we needed to take flight.  Now there was nothing stopping us from hitting the road towards Houston.  My father, my mother, my three sisters, my two brothers, and I all crammed inside my dad’s car for the trip.  My youngest sister was not born yet.  On the drive over my brothers and I spent the entire time asking the same questions over and over:  What is the city like? Are there any trees there? How tall are the buildings? Are we there yet? We imagined a barren landscape with nothing but concrete floors and metal skyscrapers shooting up from the ground.  Apartments and homes stacked one on top of the other, building after building.

My father didn’t do much to avoid our wild imaginings. Perhaps he thought they were charming, even a little magical.  For me they were – I didn’t sleep at all that night, afraid to miss any of the incredible new things my eyes were discovering.  That moment of driving into the big city I would not miss!

Ironically, we never actually realized where the city began because the trees and grass never disappeared as we had imagined.  Instead we rode in on a sea of concrete past the extravagantly spacious commercial complex labeled The Galleria.  My older brother yelled out look dad that huge building is a galleria (hen house).  We all gasped in amazement: wow what an enormous hen house! We could even drop off the rooster we brought in the backseat of the car with us there if we wanted to, or sell it for money. Eventually we realized it wasn’t a hen house at all – it was, and still is, one of the most prestigious shopping malls in the United States.  Later we’d get to know it well because our first apartment was actually within walking distance of The Galleria.

That night we wandered aimlessly, lost in the little we knew about the world from our vantage point as simple country folk, but amazingly on the road we were like so many others – immigrant or not.  Just another car driving down the interstate looking for a new start in a new place; hopeful about the possibilities ahead; scared, nervous, happy, sad, all at the same time.  In the darkness we were no longer invisible.

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